All of the different age milestones are both happy (since my son is growing so well and being so happy) and sad (he was born on the day his Grandma; my mom passed away. It is a legacy that he will always be linked with especially in my mind. It is always very tough to think about all that my mom is not able to be here and experience with all of us. However, it seems easier to talk about it at the half years instead of the whole years. I guess because I want my son to have happy experiences with his birthday and not always surrounded by sadness. Last year when he was 6 months old I had a time of reflection and sadness. This year I am experiencing similar reflections and sadness.
I am writing this blog post on his official 18-month milestone day (the 15th) and I am just sitting here remembering my mom and how happy and excited she was when I told her that summer day in July of 2014 that she was going to be a grandmother. She actually thought that the ultrasound photo was a moonscape photo. It took her a few seconds to realize what I was showing her when I handed her the picture.
For those of you that do not personally know me; so obviously do not know what happened… Here is the cliff notes version / timeline…
June 2014 – we conceived
July 2014 – we announced to the immediate family as soon as we got confirmation at the doctor’s office (I was only 7 weeks pregnant when it was confirmed… I knew when I was only 4 weeks pregnant). My due date was February 28, 2015 with a scheduled C-section February 21, 2015.
October 8, 2014 – my mom got diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and had to immediately begin aggressive radiation and chemotherapy.
January 10, 2015 – was my baby shower. My mom was able to attend and everybody there (mostly family and a few close friends) were able to celebrate my baby on his way as well as talk to my mom and help put her mind at ease even though she was not going to be around much longer that me and my son were going to be ok.
February 4, 2015 – my mom was told that there were no more treatment options and to be home with the family.
February 13, 2015 – I had the day off from work and I sat with my mom the entire day. My husband met me at my mom’s house after work to whisper our baby boy’s name in her ear (we were keeping it a secret until he was born but wanted her to know it) and to say goodbye to my mom with me. I went to sleep not feeling well but attested it to being 9 months pregnant and having sat in uncomfortable positions (to be close to my mom) for about 8-10 hours.
February 14, 2015 – I woke up with a fever and ended up going to the ER to get tested for the flu. I was diagnosed with the flu and was told to only go to labor and delivery if I went into labor.
February 15, 2015 – 3:30am I went into labor. I had my son with an elective C-section at 9:00am. He was officially born at 9:14am. Around 12:00pm I texted my mom a couple of pictures of her grandson. Her nurse told her to open her eyes and when she did she said “wow!” (that was the first time in days she had said anything). I arranged with her nurse that I would call in the evening. I almost did not because it was getting late. However, I decided to call at 9:45pm and was put on speaker phone when my son was brought in to me for a feeding. I had the nurse help me strip him down to cry so that my mom could hear her grandson cry. She passed away while I was on the phone introducing her to her grandson and saying goodbye to her.
If you do not know me (since this is the blogosphere) you may be thinking that I am making this timeline up… I promise you I am not…
So, I am sitting here on his 18-month “birthday” and this timeline (as well as other details about those 4 months) is just swirling around in my mind. It is just amazing how much things can change in a year and a half / two years…